Forget Nice—Be Genuine

The Strength of Authenticity

I used to try to be nice to everyone.  I found myself using white lies to appease other people while holding in my true thoughts and emotions. People would compliment me by saying what a nice guy I was—"Johnny gets along with everyone."

After my daughter was born, I soon realized that this approach was deception. Something about becoming a father made me understand that I did not want my child to be nice like I had been. So, I changed and began to speak my truth. This made life so much easier, which helped me to gain internal strength.

That's me in my dad's arms being nice!

I soon began to see myself as more real—people looked at me differently. This translated into modeling self-confidence, which, in turn, allowed a more natural self-discovery for my little child, Anna.

By giving her honest answers to everything we experienced she grew up with a self-determination that encouraged curiosity and the natural empowerment of truth. I started to say, "I don't know" much more! Accepting the fact that I was not hiding anything inside, I was being genuine to myself and everyone I touched. With Anna, the "I don't knows" were often followed by, "But why don't we find out!"

Presidential Parenting

Helpful, Not Hurtful, Leadership

There is little room for complacency in raising a child just as in running a country.

Complacent: marked by self-satisfaction especially when accompanied by unawareness of actual dangers or deficiencies.

  

All types of babies are born into our world—this is a green heron—thanks, Joe!

Just as a president is the leader of a nation helping to guide its citizens, parents are the most important role models to their children helping to raise them up, hopefully, into caring citizens of the world. But, often the leadership is uninformed—the caregiver shortsighted. This can be more hurtful than helpful. As citizens of a country, just as parents of a newly born baby, we should make every effort to become better informed as we move forward into the future. I sure hope to. 

Free Range Learning (3 of 3)

Free Range Learning

How Homeschooling Changes Everything

Introduction

No one, after reading Free Range Learning with an open mind, can justifiably argue in defense of formal K–12 schooling. However, it would be a disservice to Laura Grace Weldon’s considerable grasp of the human spirit to simply recommend her book for parents of home schoolers. Everyone should put this handbook in their bookcase after marking it up half as much as I have!

Due to the extensive material I wanted to include, this post has been divided into three separate posts. This is part three of three. One final post including all three parts will follow tomorrow. Part one of three was posted two days ago, with part two of three posted yesterday.

A future inventor in action

Ethics, Spirituality and A Greater Good

ü  When adults insist on compliance in their children—true understanding is usurped—encouraging moral immaturity.

ü  Many adults continue to assert that children do best raised with more punitive, heavy-handed methods. That is shortsighted. The real underpinning of civilization is cooperation.

ü  We can be mindful of where we put our parenting energy.

Ø  It’s easy to notice children squabbling for five minutes and ignore two hours of peace.

Ø  What we consistently notice is amplified.  What we recognize persists.

Ø  If we habitually notice the worst in a person, even though we are trying to bring about improvement, we unwittingly reinforce these negative behaviors.

Ø  For a child whose self-image is forming, this principle is even more important.

Ø  Noticing when a child has done something right helps to strengthen not only that behavior, but also the motivation behind that behavior.

Baby Brains Love Bach—Later Mozart

Music Matters: The Bach Effect*

 Introduction:

Music helps electrical activity in newborn children’s brains to resonate—laying the neural pathways that create a better foundation for learning a variety of cerebral skills. The relationship between music and brain development is significant at many levels. Dr. Rebecca Shore's Developing Young Minds: From Conception to Kindergarten devotes almost one third of her book to this theme. 

Bonding at its Best

Dancing to music with your baby before they begin to crawl is a natural inclination for parents, and they couldn’t be more right. By being exposed to a variety of pitch, tempo and rhythm, the baby will absorb variations in cadence—layers of complexity in pattern recognition—through the 

adult’s body movements in conjunction to what they hear. As the baby sways, swings, rocks, and turns to music, spatial-temporal perception development is enhanced—as is joy and laughter. 

Hey, Mr. Bach—could you play this in D major?

The Universal Language: Music

Music is often referred to as the universal language. In fact, most likely, musical expression preceded speech. Regardless of what language we speak or culture we were raised in, music can make us feel elated, depressed, calm, and can reduce us to tears.  

Going Beyond A Present

Gifts of Creative Love Take a Bit Extra—So Worthwhile!

My father would write a short poem on my birthday card or on a present at Christmas time—in the form of a clue to the mysterious gift inside. It became a family tradition that I have carried on with much pleasure. Today, I often write a longer poem onto an anniversary card for my wife or a graduation or birthday for a relative. My wife and daughter have caught onto the ritual, with gratification, often returning the favor. 

It makes all the difference. In fact, this thoughtful act is a present in itself—the time and effort is so much appreciated by the receiver.

Thanks, Shel Silverstein

 Acts Of Kindness Only Take Moments

Creating Future Foodies

 Go Ahead and Give Your Toddler a Kitchen Knife*

A child in the Amazon rain forest "was playing with a sharp kitchen knife, about 9 inches in length. He was swinging the knife blade around him, often coming close to his eyes, his chest, his arm and other body parts. When he dropped the knife, his mother—talking to someone else—reached backward nonchalantly without interrupting her conversation, picked up the knife and handed it back to the toddler."

Gupta explains that there's an evolutionary argument for allowing children to learn how to work with dangerous food implements. David Lancy, an Anthropologist and author of The Anthropology of Childhood, says childhood used to be filled with tools, such as hammers, mortars, pestles and machetes to break open foods like coconuts. 

Parenting Styles: Authoritarian vs Egalitarian

Raising Children with Anxiety versus Trust 

A libertarian egalitarian is surely 

a utilitarian humanitarian and quite possibly 

a fun-loving person—

maybe even a librarian with plenty of free books

A strict disciplinarian may be 

an unyielding totalitarian, a rigid authoritarian

and perhaps a bit dogmatic—

maybe even giving unsolicited harsh looks

This is going to taste so yummy!

Now Let’s Peak Into An Authoritarian Household:

Dad (while watching TV): Son … SON! Come here when I call for you!

Son (Roy): Yes, dad?

Dad: Did you finish all your homework?

Son: I couldn’t because …

Dad: What? No excuses. I guess you’ll have to skip dinner and do it.

Son: But dad, I have a good excuse.

Dad: I’ll give you the back of my hand as an excuse. Now, I’m missing the news so get out of here.

Mom: Honey, why don’t we have TV dinners since Roy won’t be joining us.

Roy: Mom, can I tell you why my homework isn’t done.

Dad: Son, don’t make me get up!

Mom: Not now, Roy. I’ve got to call Betty about my card game tomorrow. I do wish you’d behave yourself and listen to us better.

The Same Scenario In An Egalitarian Household:

Son (Roy): Excuse me dad. I’ve got something to tell you.

Dad (putting his newspaper down): Yes, Roy. What is it?

Roy: Well, I couldn’t do my homework today.

Dad: Okay, why not?

Roy: I was playing with Kevin in the playground and he cut his hand on a nail. So, I went home with him and rode into the doctor with his mom to get it cleaned out and wrapped up.

Dad: Oh, that was nice of you to stay with your friend.

Mom: How is Kevin doing now, Roy? Did he have stitches?

Roy: No. He’s doing okay, but he may miss school tomorrow.

Mom: Maybe you can call him after dinner.

Roy: That’s a good idea, mom. And then I’ll stay up a little late and get my homework done.

Dad: Sure, Roy. Whatever you think is best.

      

Hands Free Life

After reading Hands Free Life: 9 Habits for overcoming Distraction, Living Better, and Loving More by Rachel Macy Stafford, I began to understand myself better. Her poetic, philosophical, spiritual, and above all, inspirational writing reminds me of Kahil Gibran's masterpiece, The Prophet. But Stafford is also a contemporary Maria Montessori. Perhaps, a beautiful blend of the two.

Compassion is contagious!

The Magic of "I Don't Know"

Using "I DON'T KNOW" As A Parenting Tool

Recently I read and responded to one of Teacher Tom's thoughtful blog posts on his Facebook page. It was entitled, I Don't Know.  Tom personally answered, and we ended up having a good exchange. A week later, Teacher Tom's blog post "More About I Don't Know"  kindly mentioned me and our discussion.

Shhhh... and don't forget them

Let's look at some reasons why 'I don't know' is so effective

All Are Significant

Elevating Community

Everyone in any given community is important. That might be a neighborhood community, a work community, a school community.  Recognizing custodians in the community has been in the news lately. This post celebrates the often overlooked role of custodians, including the fact that they have private lives with family. In fact, I have a custodian in my immediate family to honor. 

Real Neat Blog Award

This Award is Recognition for Trying to Make a Difference 

I would like to thank The Peaceful Papa for his nomination of Papa Green Bean for the Real Neat Blog Award. The Peaceful Papa's Facebook page is full of positive tips on raising children. In fact, his wife just delivered a little baby girl less than a week ago. He is blogging in real neat daddy time!

Free to LEARN

The Human Nature of Education

Note: This post is my take on the book, Free to LEARN by Peter Gray. He is a research professor in the Department of Psychology at Boston College,  a brilliant individual and loving father. 

The cover of the book has a subtitle which is a good summary:  

"Why Unleashing the Instinct to Play Will Make Our Children Happier, More Self-Reliant, and Better Students for Life"

Playfulness forever!

Peter Gray makes the case that playfulness serves educational purposes that enhance creativity. Gray states, "While curiosity motivates children to seek new knowledge and understanding, playfulness motivates them to practice new skills and use those skills creatively."

Build Trust - Be Honest

Children Deserve Our Truth

Teacher Tom's Demanding Truth post is a powerful testament to building a relationship with your child based on honesty. Children want sincerity. They want a mom and dad who they can trust.

It doesn't mean they require you to be right about everything. It does mean they don't want you to pretend to know when you don't, or even more importantly for young children, to pretend to not know when you do. 

Three New Year Resolutions for Parents

Start the Year off with Presence

'Happy New Year' as a parent means a year of genuine growth for your children, but it should also mean a year of happiness for you as a parent. The two go together. It's not hard. In fact, it's simple. Here are three top ideas to reap a year of growth and happiness for all. These three actions go

Papa Green Bean on a ferry with Mt. Rainer in background

hand-in-hand, as you'll soon see:

1. One-On-One 

It is a cliche, but your child does not need things, all he needs is you. One-on-one. Parent and child spending unadulterated time together is the stuff childhood memories are made of. If you have a spouse, then take turns with the child. This allows the one-on-one experience, as well as giving the other parent some alone time. If you have two children, then break into two one-on-ones. 

There is a special, powerful energy that bonds two people with time alone together. Also, make it count. Not ten minutes, but at least thirty, if not a few hours at a time. 

Alive Inside

Connectedness of Music

Listen to your heart!

The winner of the 2014 Audience award at the Sundance Film Festival is the documentary, Alive Inside: A Story of Music and Memory. This remarkable, touching film reveals how music can open up doorways to the soul inside, even for seemingly comatose people living in nursing homes. 

What Message Do You Model?

Role Model = Parent

What message are you sending to your children by your words and actions? 

Are you a cynic, a grouch, a couch potato, a glass half empty person?

 Every thing you do impacts your children, positive or negative. We have an amazingly powerful influence on our children's future. 

It starts at birth. 

This is too much fun, pops!

Here is a 60 second clip entitled, "Children See, Children Do". It's very powerful. 

Fatherhood - Life Changing

Changing Fatherhood

Fatherhood changed me immensely. I had never finished anything until my daughter was born. With my daughter's birth, I made the commitment to myself to always be a guiding light for her, to read, listen, and absorb everything I could to help her reach her potential. This is the only commitment I have ever really stuck to. Most of my other goals have not been satisfied, but the goal to be a good father to my daughter has been successful!

Role Modeling Play: Letting Loose

Laugh and Your Child Laughs With You

Think back for a moment of pure childlike joy as a youth.

Perhaps it was racing bikes through a field, or playing whiffle ball in a random made-up 'park', or playing 'hide and seek and tag' at night. I did all these many times. The last one we called "Capture The Flag" using plastic bowling pins as the flags. There were prisons, 'free' bases and other rules we made up all agreeing to... pretty exciting!

Simon says "Live-Laugh-Love"

Research shows that spontaneous play in youth helps us deal with life's challenges, innovate, think more creatively, and have, of course, tons of fun!

In his book, Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul, Stewart Brown says not only can play be beneficial, it's actually essential. He states,

"The opposite of play is not work, the opposite of play is depression".

It Takes a Two Generation Approach

Changing the world can be done in baby steps:

One community - One family at a time

I was in good arms with my Dad

The Bellingham Herald, my local town's newspaper ran the front page headline: "Cost Cutter closure to leave retail hole at Sunset Square". It's affiliate Facebook page, asked the question: "What would you like to see replace this space?" Many answers were obvious choices like Safeway or Trader Joe's (other food options).

 Papa Green Bean responded...
  "Let's open a Parent-Child  Education Center".