Parenting Styles: Authoritarian vs Egalitarian

Raising Children with Anxiety versus Trust 

A libertarian egalitarian is surely 

a utilitarian humanitarian and quite possibly 

a fun-loving person—

maybe even a librarian with plenty of free books

A strict disciplinarian may be 

an unyielding totalitarian, a rigid authoritarian

and perhaps a bit dogmatic—

maybe even giving unsolicited harsh looks

This is going to taste so yummy!

Now Let’s Peak Into An Authoritarian Household:

Dad (while watching TV): Son … SON! Come here when I call for you!

Son (Roy): Yes, dad?

Dad: Did you finish all your homework?

Son: I couldn’t because …

Dad: What? No excuses. I guess you’ll have to skip dinner and do it.

Son: But dad, I have a good excuse.

Dad: I’ll give you the back of my hand as an excuse. Now, I’m missing the news so get out of here.

Mom: Honey, why don’t we have TV dinners since Roy won’t be joining us.

Roy: Mom, can I tell you why my homework isn’t done.

Dad: Son, don’t make me get up!

Mom: Not now, Roy. I’ve got to call Betty about my card game tomorrow. I do wish you’d behave yourself and listen to us better.

The Same Scenario In An Egalitarian Household:

Son (Roy): Excuse me dad. I’ve got something to tell you.

Dad (putting his newspaper down): Yes, Roy. What is it?

Roy: Well, I couldn’t do my homework today.

Dad: Okay, why not?

Roy: I was playing with Kevin in the playground and he cut his hand on a nail. So, I went home with him and rode into the doctor with his mom to get it cleaned out and wrapped up.

Dad: Oh, that was nice of you to stay with your friend.

Mom: How is Kevin doing now, Roy? Did he have stitches?

Roy: No. He’s doing okay, but he may miss school tomorrow.

Mom: Maybe you can call him after dinner.

Roy: That’s a good idea, mom. And then I’ll stay up a little late and get my homework done.

Dad: Sure, Roy. Whatever you think is best.

      

Tell another story, Pops

Many children grow up in a home demanding strict compliance. Their parents think they are doing their best for their kids. But, they are not—not even close. In fact, they are their children’s worst nightmare. Some parents are very clearly abusive, unpredictable, dangerous, incapable of listening and unable to recognize human emotions. These children grow up without the ability to trust, and consequentially, acquire developmental disorders. Humans need to be able to trust to function properly in today’s society. Of course, there are various degrees of domineering parents.  

      

Peaceful playgrounds do exist!

How To Raise Trustful Children VERSUS How To Create Anxiety In Children

1. Recognize the child as an individual VERSUS Compare the child to someone else  
2. Be predictable and organized VERSUS Don’t be reliable with your words
3. Be reasonable VERSUS Create too high expectations
4. Have two-way conversations VERSUS Give long-winded speeches
5. Provide a listening ear VERSUS Do not respond to the child
6. Reflect back without judgment VERSUS Do not empathize with child         
7. Provide think time VERSUS  Expect the child to act immediately
8. Make eye contact VERSUS Do not give the child your full attention
9. Smile VERSUS Act like a tyrant
10. Find reasons to compliment VERSUS Find reasons to censure
11. Praise effort VERSUS Criticize failed effort
12. Respond respectfully in the moment VERSUS Ignore the child with curt answers
13. Be a positive mentor VERSUS Maintain a negative mindset
14. Be a loyal friend VERSUS Avoid being a friend
15. Allow the child to choose VERSUS Choose for the child (to save time)
16. Do not critique in front of others VERSUS Criticize others anytime anywhere
17. Feel your child is an equal to you VERSUS Feel you are better than your child                                                                        
18. Show understanding VERSUS Physically spank/hit your child
19. Demonstrate compassion VERSUS Ridicule others
20. Maintain a calm demeanor VERSUS Raise your voice
21. Encourage self-thinking VERSUS Demand unquestionable compliance

Trustful parenting equals trustful children

Authoritarianism:

Favoring or enforcing strict obedience to authority at the expense of personal freedom. Showing a lack of concern for the wishes or opinions of others; domineering; dictatorial.

Egalitarianism:

Of, relating to, or believing in the principle that all people are equal and deserve equal rights and opportunities. In an egalitarian marriage, every aspect of home life is open to renegotiation.

Conclusion:

I've layed out the details of two very real parenting styles. There are many adults who choose and support one style or another, others who combine these approaches with other types. We should think about the children who grow up within an environment of the characteristics the adults in their lives choose. It makes all the difference.

Respectfully, Papa Green Bean