Why Is Conversation So Important?

  Listening Is An Art

A few years ago, my father was visiting my daughter and me with his partner, Maureen, a certified master gardener. This was their first time in Minnesota—and it was early summer. We had been walking around a lake, and were now sitting on a park bench. Maureen started a conversation by describing the flora surrounding the water and how the vegetation was quite different from her parks in Georgia. I agreed and mentioned the invasive species, Kudzu, prevalent in the south but nonexistent in the Midwest. My father said looking at my daughter, "I'm glad you enjoyed your classes this year." Maureen began to explain that invasive species are quite different regionally. My dad interrupted, "What books are you reading, Anna?"

My father-in-law, Don, does the same thing, except one-on-one which is even worse than in a small group. When there are four people you can divert into two two person conversations if need be. But with two people? I started, "Jen and I have been working on a few children's books in our spare time." Don replies, "I see that there must be a sailing club out on the bay." Arrrgh! (Don is a good man—he and my mother-in-law have been married 52 years. See All Are Significant.)

Granted, men interrupt more and are generally worse conversationalists than women—take the presidential debate between Trump and Clinton as an embarrassing example. However, conversation is an art form, I say. Conversation is a skill. And it is not taught in school. It is not taught in college. It isn't taught anywhere. It is learned from day one as a baby—as a noticer.

Creating Future Foodies

 Go Ahead and Give Your Toddler a Kitchen Knife*

A child in the Amazon rain forest "was playing with a sharp kitchen knife, about 9 inches in length. He was swinging the knife blade around him, often coming close to his eyes, his chest, his arm and other body parts. When he dropped the knife, his mother—talking to someone else—reached backward nonchalantly without interrupting her conversation, picked up the knife and handed it back to the toddler."

Gupta explains that there's an evolutionary argument for allowing children to learn how to work with dangerous food implements. David Lancy, an Anthropologist and author of The Anthropology of Childhood, says childhood used to be filled with tools, such as hammers, mortars, pestles and machetes to break open foods like coconuts. 

Discovering (and Building On) Your Child's Natural Strengths

Each Human Being Learns Differently

There really isn't a definitive "difficult" child. The child who is most challenging is the one who doesn't think like we do. Much of what we perceive as our children's deliberate efforts to frustrate us are actually a difference in perception. If we can learn to recognize and appreciate their learning sensitivities, as opposed to true disobedience, we will become more knowledgeable and happier parents—and the child will be too.

My strength is painting the walls, hahahaha!

As I read Cynthia Ulrich Tobias's excellent book, The Way They Learn, I began to understand the truth about each newborn’s uniqueness in a deeper manner. Many parents expect their children to learn the way they did. And many children will grow up loving their parents' teaching models. As Tobias declares, "Parents rarely intentionally frustrate their children".

Parenting Styles: Authoritarian vs Egalitarian

Raising Children with Anxiety versus Trust 

A libertarian egalitarian is surely 

a utilitarian humanitarian and quite possibly 

a fun-loving person—

maybe even a librarian with plenty of free books

A strict disciplinarian may be 

an unyielding totalitarian, a rigid authoritarian

and perhaps a bit dogmatic—

maybe even giving unsolicited harsh looks

This is going to taste so yummy!

Now Let’s Peak Into An Authoritarian Household:

Dad (while watching TV): Son … SON! Come here when I call for you!

Son (Roy): Yes, dad?

Dad: Did you finish all your homework?

Son: I couldn’t because …

Dad: What? No excuses. I guess you’ll have to skip dinner and do it.

Son: But dad, I have a good excuse.

Dad: I’ll give you the back of my hand as an excuse. Now, I’m missing the news so get out of here.

Mom: Honey, why don’t we have TV dinners since Roy won’t be joining us.

Roy: Mom, can I tell you why my homework isn’t done.

Dad: Son, don’t make me get up!

Mom: Not now, Roy. I’ve got to call Betty about my card game tomorrow. I do wish you’d behave yourself and listen to us better.

The Same Scenario In An Egalitarian Household:

Son (Roy): Excuse me dad. I’ve got something to tell you.

Dad (putting his newspaper down): Yes, Roy. What is it?

Roy: Well, I couldn’t do my homework today.

Dad: Okay, why not?

Roy: I was playing with Kevin in the playground and he cut his hand on a nail. So, I went home with him and rode into the doctor with his mom to get it cleaned out and wrapped up.

Dad: Oh, that was nice of you to stay with your friend.

Mom: How is Kevin doing now, Roy? Did he have stitches?

Roy: No. He’s doing okay, but he may miss school tomorrow.

Mom: Maybe you can call him after dinner.

Roy: That’s a good idea, mom. And then I’ll stay up a little late and get my homework done.

Dad: Sure, Roy. Whatever you think is best.

      

Youth Library Cards

Common Sense is the New Wisdom 

Hop on down to the local library

with toddler in tow

Scoot on over to the librarian

with toddler on toe

Order a library card in toddler's name

Then dance and hoot 

until you get the boot!

PGB

Papa, please put my library card on our refrigerator with a really good magnet

It came as rather a surprise when I read an article in The University of Washington's Columns magazine about "The New Mindset, Turning Research Into Better Living." The first example of UW's "innovation imperative" was a nursing professor who "discovered" that premature babies gained weight and developed faster if they were rocked and could hear the sound of a heartbeat.

All Are Significant

Elevating Community

Everyone in any given community is important. That might be a neighborhood community, a work community, a school community.  Recognizing custodians in the community has been in the news lately. This post celebrates the often overlooked role of custodians, including the fact that they have private lives with family. In fact, I have a custodian in my immediate family to honor. 

Free to LEARN

The Human Nature of Education

Note: This post is my take on the book, Free to LEARN by Peter Gray. He is a research professor in the Department of Psychology at Boston College,  a brilliant individual and loving father. 

The cover of the book has a subtitle which is a good summary:  

"Why Unleashing the Instinct to Play Will Make Our Children Happier, More Self-Reliant, and Better Students for Life"

Playfulness forever!

Peter Gray makes the case that playfulness serves educational purposes that enhance creativity. Gray states, "While curiosity motivates children to seek new knowledge and understanding, playfulness motivates them to practice new skills and use those skills creatively."

Spanking - Discipline or Abuse?

Violence - A Family Tradition

Respect is gone...

"If we can stay connected with people who think spanking is OK, we have a good chance of sharing our experience and offering them alternatives.  People advocate it, because they just don't know any better. When you take spanking away, you have to offer them some alternative based upon relationship and connectedness.  It is a huge shift to let go of the power of control and to rely on relationship and empathy.  It is a much more vulnerable approach."

Saying "No" To Children

Take the 'Say "No" to "No" One Day Challenge'

"Whoa, careful", "No", "Don't hurt yourself", "No","Shhhhh, no talking", "No", "Don't fall", "No", "Don't touch", "No", "Not now", "No, don't do that", "No, No, NO-NO-NO".

Do you think you could go through even one day without saying the word "No" to your child?

Five Traits For Successful Parenting

Parents Have The Opportunity To Create Someone Special

Papa Green Bean has listed five (somewhat random) characteristics involved in raising a child to grow up to become someone unique. All parents want for their children, is for them to have the best chance to reach their own potential. A joyful, loving, responsible, hard working child is every parents dream.

Keys To Raising Children To Be Self-Thinkers

"The natural aptitude of parents should be, first and foremost, a willingness to allow children the freedom to become themselves"... Papa Green Bean

Key Words/Phrases Every Parent Should Embrace For Their Child

Papa Green Bean and his daughter, Anna,
taking time to observe nature.

• Patience: Do not interrupt a child's focus. Let her/him participate - no time constraints - i.e. let your child make breakfast; create a birthday card; decorate the Christmas tree - at their pace.

• Freedom to Observe: Allow the child time to concentrate (this particularly applies to newborns) through perception. Create an environment with plenty of variety to saturate naturally and spontaneously. A child's immediate surroundings should be sensorial rainbows with interesting social dynamics (siblings, neighbors, pets...) and an attractive decor that pleases the child's psyche (music, paintings, plants...).